


Decembers

by Ink_Gypsy



Category: LOTR RPS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-12
Updated: 2010-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-07 05:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_Gypsy/pseuds/Ink_Gypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah has said things he regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decembers

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Waymeet Take Five Challenge, January 2010.
> 
> Each of these five vignettes take place in the month of December during the ten-year period from 1999 to 2009.

[ ](http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s213/lijahscribe/?action=view&current=FiveDecembers2-1.jpg)

**Los Angeles, California - December 1999**

Being on his own for the first time has been great, but Elijah isn't embarrassed to admit that he's missed his family during the year he's been on location in New Zealand. And his family has missed him. Elijah doesn't think his mother has stopped smiling since he's been home, and he's pretty sure he's caught her crying more than a few times. But as much as he's loved being home these past two weeks, he's already feeling the pull back to Wellington and to--

"I'm so glad you're here, Elijah," Debbie says, taking his face in her hands and kissing him for the umpteenth time since he got home. "The e-mails and phonecalls have been great, but it's not the same as having you here in person."

"It's been tough being away for so long," Elijah admits, "but I wouldn't trade my time in New Zealand for anything. I don't think I've ever been happier than I've been this past year."

Debbie nods. "I'm glad you're home, but I won't be insulted if you say you're looking forward to going back."

Elijah smiles, happy his mother understands. "I am, Mom. It's only been two weeks, but I already miss being there," he tells her. "I can't wait to get back to Sean."

He sees it right away, that slight change in his mother's face, a knowing in her eyes that hadn't been there only a moment ago. Debbie has always been very intuitive, especially when it comes to her children.

"The other hobbits, too," Elijah quickly amends. "And the rest of the cast. I've made so many great friends, Mom."

"I'm glad," Debbie tells him. "I want my children to have good friends, and to live happy, fulfilling lives."

For the first time in his life, Elijah isn't sure his mother is being totally honest with him. Debbie has always supported his choices, always been proud of him no matter what, and as he looks at her now, Elijah feels a knot in his stomach at the thought of that changing.

******

**Wellington, New Zealand - December 2000**

Elijah is thrilled to have Harry Knowles on set. It's only fitting that the man responsible for sending him on this journey should be there as it comes to an end. And it helps to have a friend there for moral support while he shoots the last scenes he'll ever have with Sean. On the set of _The Faculty_, when Harry first told him that _The Lord of the Rings_ was going to be filmed and urged him to audition, Elijah never imagined how much it would change his life. And the way he feels today, he isn't sure Harry did him any favors.

Harry and Sean hit it off right away, getting along so well that after they wrap for the day, when Elijah suggests he and Harry catch up over beer and pizza at his house, Harry extends the invitation to Sean. Sean declines, as Elijah expects him to, unwilling to intrude and wanting to give the friends some time alone. Elijah isn't sure if he's relieved or disappointed.

"Sean seems like a great guy," Harry says after his first swig of beer.

"The best," Elijah agrees. "The first day we met there was an instant connection."

Harry hears the melancholy in Elijah's voice, and having known him long enough to know that something is off, he asks, "What's up, Elwood?"

"Nothing," Elijah says without much conviction. "It's just that it's ending. I knew this day was coming and I thought I could handle it, but I'm just not ready for us to be over."

"Us?" Harry asks.

"It," Elijah corrects. Kicking back with Harry has relaxed him enough to momentarily let his guard down, something he can't afford to do, not even with a friend. He forces a smile. "Today was the last scene between Frodo and Sam and it hit me harder than I thought it would. My emotions are all over the place so I don't know _what_ I'm saying. Just forget it, okay?"

"Sure," Harry says with a nod, and clinks his beer bottle against Elijah's.

Elijah is grateful that his friend doesn't push, even though he's sure Harry knows damn well there's more to the story than just a slip of the tongue.

******

**New York, New York - December 2003**

"I have to go back tonight," Sean says as he gets out of bed.

"Can't you stay longer?" Elijah asks. "Just another day or two?"

"Sorry, babe," Sean replies, "but I've got to get back. Lava business."

"Something so important it can't wait a couple of days?"

"I've got meetings."

"You could reschedule," Elijah suggests.

Sean shakes his head. "These plans have been in the works for months. It's too late to change them now." He sighs. "I know you're disappointed, but I told you when I said I was coming that it would only be for one day."

"You could change your plans if you wanted to," Elijah blurts out. "If you really loved me you'd find a way!"

He isn't sure which shocks him more, the words themselves, or the fact that they've just come out of his mouth. From the very beginning, Elijah has known and accepted that Sean won't ever leave his wife. The very first time they made love, Elijah told Sean he knew that Christine and his family would always come first, and since that first time he's done his best to be all right with it. He's never interfered in Sean's "other" life or made any demands on him, and even though the move to New York and having Sean so far away has been harder on him than he thought it would be, Elijah has been grateful for any time they've had together. So hearing himself use what amounts to emotional blackmail makes him feel ashamed.

Sean doesn't even try to disguise how much Elijah's words have hurt him. He opens his mouth to speak, but Elijah stops him. "Don't say anything."

"Elijah—"

"No, let me get this out. I'm so sorry, Sean. I don't know where that came from."

"_I_ do," Sean says sadly. "I was afraid this day would come. It's been my greatest fear that one day our being together would cause you more pain than happiness, and I swore if that happened--"

Sure he knows what's coming, Elijah puts his finger to Sean's lips to stop the words. "It hasn't happened," he says quickly, "and it won't ever happen, I promise you."

"I know you believe that, Elijah."

"I do believe it, Irish, and I need you to believe it, too."

He's made the promise in his head, and as he helps Sean pack for the trip back to Los Angeles and his wife and children, Elijah prays his heart will be strong enough to keep it.

******

**Los Angeles, California - December 2005**

"I'm under the kisseltoe!" Elizabeth exclaims as she twirls around under the sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling in the Astin living room.

Sean's middle daughter looks adorable in a red dress and shiny, black patent leather Mary Janes, topped off with a big red bow tied around her blonde curls. Just looking at her makes Elijah smile. While Ally looks like a miniature version of Christine, Lizzie favors her father, which has secured her a special place in Elijah's heart.

"It's not kisseltoe," Ally corrects Lizzie in that way older sisters have of talking down to their younger siblings. "It's mistletoe."

Unable to bear the disappointed look on Lizzie's face, Sean picks her up. "You're half-right, Sweetie," he tells her. "It's called mistletoe, but when people stand under it, they kiss."

Lizzie brightens upon hearing her father's explanation. "Kiss me, Daddy!" she commands. When Sean complies, kissing her on the cheek, Lizzie shakes her head. "No, Daddy, on the lips."

"You're a little young for that, Kiddo," Elijah says with a grin. "Only grownups kiss on the lips."

Lizzie considers this. "Do you kiss on the lips, Uncle Lijah?" she asks.

"Yup."

"And Daddy does, too?"

Elijah nods. "He sure does. Your Daddy's a really great kisser."

Lizzie looks first at her father, then back at Elijah and asks, "How do _you_ know Daddy kisses good?"

Sean pales and looks helplessly at Elijah.

"Because..." For precious seconds Elijah's mind sputters, then finally an answer comes to him. "Because your Daddy is great at everything he does."

Lizzie seems satisfied. What little girl doesn't think her father has hung the moon? Crisis averted, Elijah's eyes meet Sean's and they share a moment of unspoken relief.

Elijah senses rather than hears Christine behind him. When he turns and sees her standing just outside the kitchen doorway, it's obvious from the look on her face that she's heard Lizzie's question. But unlike her daughter, Sean's wife doesn't look satisfied with his answer.

******

**Venice Beach, California - December 2009**

Sean is exceptionally enthusiastic in bed tonight. Their lovemaking is always passionate, but Sean's mood varies. Sometimes he's all about the romance: a candlelit dinner with long, lingering looks across the table, followed by an entire night of love-making, the exquisitely slow kind with lots of lingering kisses and murmured endearments.

Sometimes Sean is so revved up by their separations that he forgets all about foreplay and goes directly to the main event. During those times, Elijah calls him _"Slam-bam-thank-you-Sam!"_ which makes Sean turn pink to the ears.

But tonight Sean is a lover Elijah has never seen before, bold, adventurous, willing to throw caution to the wind. It's as if he's committed the entire _Gay Man's Kama Sutra_ to memory, and plans to try every single sexual act in it, things they've never even talked about before, much less tried. They've managed to go through several chapters when Sean flops over onto his back, totally spent, and tells Elijah, "I don't think I've ever been as sexually satisfied as I am tonight."

Elijah is touched by Sean's words, and proud that he's been able to give his partner so much pleasure. His first thought is to thank Sean for the compliment, but not wanting to appear egotistical, he falls back on humor. With a lecherous grin, Elijah says, "Just leave the money on the dresser." He expects Sean to laugh, but his lover reacts in a totally unexpected way.

Jumping up from the bed, his face reddening with anger, Sean shouts, "Don't talk about yourself like that! You're not a whore!"

Elijah is shocked by Sean's outburst, and though he hates to admit it, just a little bit frightened by it. Reaching out tentatively, he takes Sean's hand and pulls him back onto the bed. "Fuck, Irish, I was only joking."

Though he's back on the bed, Sean stays a noticeable distance away from Elijah. "Well I didn't find any humor in it. I could never think of you that way, as some hustler who's only in it for the money. This isn't just about sex for me, Elijah. I don't just love you -- I'm _in_ love with you. Don't you know that after all these years?"

"Of course I do, Sean," Elijah responds, stroking Sean's arm. "And you have to know I feel the same way about you. We didn't plan to fall in love, but it happened. What we feel for each other is real, and even if we can't be together the way I'd like, I'd never give up what we have together."

Sean nods, his anger ebbing. "That's why I couldn't stand hearing you talk about yourself that way, as if there was nothing between us but sex." He sighs, and when he speaks again his tone is gentle, his manner contrite. "Look, I'm sorry I flew off the handle like that, baby."

Elijah gently brushes his lips against Sean's, but stops there, intuitive enough to know that more sex right now would be a mistake. "And I'm sorry I upset you." He doesn't say anything more, and if he could, he'd take back the reckless remark that caused Sean so much heartache. As an actor, Elijah knows the power of words, and lying beside his lover again, he vows never to be so careless with them again.


End file.
